Can't Kill Kenny

Random Thinkings.

Learning cannot stop. 

I must learn. I must learn in my faith, I must learn to help the world.

I must accept each in his own place on life’s journey. Accept each person regardless of their standpoint on anything.

Disagreements can either break or strengthen beliefs. Should I disagree with anyone, I pray God give me the strength to listen and truly understand, before deciding to adopt or reject any sort of opinions.

I must stay true to myself. I am who I am because of my life journey thus far. In my opinion, I am fortunate to have lived with the struggles and triumphs of every step. I have earned the right to remain believing what I do in regards to the religious and political beliefs that I stand for.

I must continue to work to use my faith for the good of everyone, not the ones that are seen as “worthy” for love. I will stand up to people who think that their faith has given them the right to hate. I will take every part of my being and help others grow into themselves, regardless of race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, or political standpoint.

I will love. I will love others. I will love myself. I will love God. 

I will spend my whole life loving, and not a minute of it will be wasted.

-September 21, 2012.

When someone asked what I was doing after college

whatshouldwecallme:

University: A Freakin Waste Of My Time.

So, decidedly I hate the university I attend.

Because I don’t want to get slammed with any shit for saying its name, lets just go with “The University of Awful” (U of A from here on in). 

Over the last 4 years, I have payed ridiculous tuition, dealt with sections of classes I need being removed because of budget cuts (All while our president gets paid over 1 mil a year), huge classes, shitty profs who don’t know how to teach, but are there for research grants, all while no one has any idea who I am (nor do they care). 

If I could go back to my little high school self, sitting in on the Career Fair days, and listening to all the universities giving their spiel on why their institution is the greatest, I would have just steered my ass clear of the doors into their presentation rooms, and shoved myself into the seat of a presentation from one of the tech or trade schools.

Now, lets look here. If I average $7000.00 a year in tuition, $1,000 a year in books, around $6,500 in rent (because I had to move somewhere to go to this damn place), along with all other costs…I’m spending well over $14,000 dollars a year JUST on living here and going to school. Now, that may not seem like much in the grand scheme of things, but did I mention I work dead end jobs every summer, at minimum wage, just to help pay this off? So, each year, I make approximately $6,400 in this job, (before taxes) to pay for this shitty schooling I’m receiving. Which leaves me a deficit of $7,600 per year. So, I have to take a loan out, of $10,000. I am 22, and will be $30,000 dollars in debt as of September (I fortunately had some money saved from high school jobs for my first year). Now, if I was working in say, a trade, or went to a trade school, I would have been working for at least the last two years. Since trades people and people with tech certificates make more than most university graduates, (and I live in one of the most affluent provinces in Canada), lets be stingy and say I’m working full time all year at $20.00/hr (around half of what my fiance makes after 4 months of school total (he still has 4 months to go over the next two years, and will be making almost double what he is making now). That would put me at making approximately $38,400 a year, rather than the -$7,600 I’m at now.

Besides that, I will finish with a degree in Sociology and Christian Theology when I finish my degree. Let me fill you in on some of the vast knowledge I have come to possess that will definitely make employers see how many skills I have that will be pertinent in the workplace. I have taken courses in :

• Fairy tales
• German
• American Sign Language
• Romantic Era English Novels
• Writing Studies (where I got to write about my feelings)
• Theorists of the 1800’s
• And many, many more!

See, these classes have provided valuable skills for the workplace. If I got a job, I could tell people how to say hello in two languages, I could discuss the sexual nature of fairy tales, and even slip in a fact or two about Karl Marx!

All of this, while those foolish tech school people are out working for half of their schooling…who needs practical experience and valuable networking? Seriously?

All this while I will apply for jobs who will be saddened by the fact that my last four years was spent gaining worthless knowledge, and since it is so time consuming, at 23, I won’t have any valuable work experience that will help me get paid above minimum wage. 

Today, I was emailed by a professor about a recent paper I submitted, saying all of these things cornering me about apparent plagiarism. I spent the better part of the day LOSING MY MIND over this, because I searched my paper, trying to find the errors he was speaking about. I read and re read, and after about 3 hours of this, I got an email saying it was to the wrong student. I am aware that mistakes happen. But when the email starts with my name, not even the wrong students name, and you are accusing people of such things, you should probably double check! As a professor, that is sort of a big deal. This kind of thing is just the topper to an excellent semester with profs who couldn’t control a classroom of 8 university students (I had to listen to chatting and laughing in the back of the room all semester), to disrespectful learning atmospheres, and profs who refuse to help you with homework because they “dont have time” with all of their research (thanks, bud). 

I just can’t wait to be out of this damn place.

Living.

So, I am one of the few…the few that doesn’t actually WANT to live together before I’m married.

So my fiance and I faced a bit of a thing this summer, because I am going to be back where he is for 4 months working. This is also where my parents live, and where I usually stay. 

We are hitting the 1 year together mark in April, and we’ve been engaged since september (we were quick :P but when you know, seriously, you know.) We talked about living together, and at the beginning, I immediately wanted to.

But, then I started thinking. The most exciting part about our wedding next July is not the dress. It isn’t the party. Its not the booze, or the decorations. (although all of those WILL be awesome, I’m making sure of that!). Its the fact that I am standing up in front of everyone I love, and standing face to face with the man that has shown me what love actually is, and has shown me absolute unconditional love, and telling him “I want to be by your side for the rest of my life.”

Now, a lot of people say that marriage really is just a piece of paper. If you’re ready to get married, then you’re ready to live together. If that is how you feel about it, then go hard! If the institution of marriage is something you don’t like, whether it be because of relationships you’ve seen fail, or whatever, then that is just fine. I honestly wish you the best in finding happiness that way! It’s just not for me.

But, having said that, I am definitely ready to do so, I am just choosing to keep all of this excitement bottled up and let it all be that much MORE exciting on July 13, 2013. 

That summer is going to be the best of my life. I am graduating from university (EEEE!), I will be finding a job, B and I will be preparing to be married (EEEEEEE!!!!!!), and finally, we will say “I do” and move into our very first home. (EEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!) (Excuse my girly squeals. Seriously, excited.)

Now, because B does occasionally read my blog, I feel like being mushy after thinking of all of this stuff. 

B,

I love you. I cannot wait to be standing in front of you, and to look you straight in the eye and know that what we’re doing is something that is going to last. I can’t wait to walk through the door of our first home, and (hopefully) stare out over the prairies with you. I can’t wait until the first night in our home where we get to snuggle up in front of OUR television, and curl up and sleep as husband and wife. They think we’re nuts because we’re young, but I wouldn’t change anything, I wouldn’t waste any more time being apart when we know what this is. Thank-you for being in my life, and thank-you for wanting me in yours forever.

Love always,

K.

Now….back to my essays. 

Happy Wednesday Y’all :)

Ash Wednesday.

So today I want to write about a few things on my chest.

Here are today’s topics, so if you don’t like them….gtfo my tumblr page. Just kidding! Stay! Read a while, maybe you’ll change your mind…or hate me…who knows.

1. Ash Wednesday, and what I’m taking up instead of giving up.
2. My complete thankfulness for my friends, my fiance, and my family.
3. My need for complete overhaul of the human attitude (yep, there it is, the heavy crap :) )

Ok, so first off, Ash Wednesday starts today, the beginning of Lent. 

As a Catholic, its an important season, and I took a long while thinking about what I should give up. 

Instead of giving up something like facebook, or my phone, or anything else material, I decided instead to take something up. A couple of somethings, actually. One, is kindness. I want to kill people with kindness this Lenten season! I want to reconnect with people, work hard to not be angry, and just…give out kindness. Second thing I’m doing is spending a little bit of time every morning reading my devotional and starting the day that way. :)

Ok, secondly, I am so grateful for the people I have in my life. They are fantastic. Honestly. Just had to say that.

And thirdly.

I am tired. Really sick and tired….

Tired of people being hurtful. 

I’m tired of judgement on other people’s lives, because really, who cares?

I’m tired of listening to “christian” folk in my circle of friends in theology classes, or church talking down on people who are having problems, maybe pre-marital pregancy, or who have just come out as homosexual, and talking about how they are not moral. 

I’m tired of people who are not christian coming down on me for being christian, and calling me delusional for having faith in something that science cannot explain.

I am tired, sick and tired, of people deciding that they are the authority on what is right and wrong.

There are no authoritative truths in this world. Personally, I don’t believe in “Truth” in this world. 

At one point, we had decided that blacks were not people, flies came from bad meat, sperm contained small people, the world was flat, and that human emotion came from the liver. All of these, at one time, were accepted as “Truth”.

How can we accept any universal truths now? We are blinded by the fact that we see ourselves as right and true all of the time, to see our mistakes. 

I just hope that at one point, people can learn to live and let live. 

Right now, this world is just making me sad.

Day 1.

Day one of what? New me.

I can’t believe I did it-but I cleaned out my facebook. I cleaned out my room. There are no longer these dark memories, and I actually don’t mind being in my room anymore! I’m not looking at people that hurt me on facebook when I log in for an update. 

Its all gone. 

Also, today I’ve started taking care of myself. I wasn’t overly hungry at lunch, so I didn’t have much to eat. And I feel good. I am starting to actually look forward to losing this weight. 

SO I don’t normally like stating my weight, but hey, I’m going to start posting stuff about my journey back into my skinny pants, and my journey as a person, so I may as well just say it. 

I’m 5’6”, and I weigh 194 lbs. 

Granted, at a size 8, I weighed 160…. back in the day.

My goals? 

I my first goal is to see the 180s. After that, we’ll keep going. The ultimate goal is to see 150. Thats less than I weighed in high school.

So how am I doing it?

Well, first of all, i’m laying off the pigging out. 

Second of all, alcohol is no longer in my diet. For a couple of reasons. One-I’m too damn broke. Two-holy good gravy calories.

Next, I stop eating after 7 PM.

And, I’m hitting the gym or my “home gym” (wii, elliptical)

I think I can do this. I need to do this for me. I need to take care of me, because I’m worth this! :)